I must be too annoying 4 u.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think my moral compass just broke
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