I feel great
I just peed on a car
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
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