I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
