Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
