I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
