We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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