I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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