oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
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