i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
