i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
