I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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