do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
