He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
