ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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