Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
