Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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