My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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