dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
