Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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