Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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