i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
