That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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