there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
