I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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