And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I need a beard to bite.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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