In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Redeem this text for a blowjob
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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