She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
