She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
we're so committed to being not committed
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
