my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
