Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
