I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
