LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
