youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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