Taylor Swift is so right about you.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
