Pants 0. Shit 1.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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