I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
