she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
