i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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