hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
