Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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