he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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