Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
