I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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