Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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