i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
