evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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