I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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