time to smoke my breakfast
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
