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the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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