just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
