sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
where are my eyebrows?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
