DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
