Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
