Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
should my penis look like a turkey
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I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
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I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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