Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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