I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
