my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯