my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
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So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.