He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
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I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
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I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow