Texts From Last Night

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  (309): View more from Illinois

  $35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.

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  (309): $35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively. http://tfl.nu/sa2o
  Replies (6) Good night (1455) Bad night (689)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again

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  (847): he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again http://tfl.nu/lfrb
  Replies (23) Good night (935) Bad night (4580)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.

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  (717): Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something. http://tfl.nu/o9mn
  Replies (11) Good night (3754) Bad night (1050)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious

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  (918): It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious http://tfl.nu/z2uj
  Replies (7) Good night (1169) Bad night (2505)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup

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  (248): after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup http://tfl.nu/a67v
  Replies (22) Good night (1272) Bad night (9060)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off

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  (314): Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off http://tfl.nu/sr25
  Replies (2) Good night (2230) Bad night (1031)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  there not mine if that helps

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  (717): why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter (1-717): there not mine if that helps http://tfl.nu/k00a
  Replies (6) Good night (2385) Bad night (998)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"

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  (210): just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?" http://tfl.nu/ffwt
  Replies (4) Good night (1964) Bad night (638)
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  (949): View more from California

  He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.

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  (949): He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do. http://tfl.nu/7uqv
  Replies (10) Good night (2228) Bad night (1020)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.

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  (615): I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause. http://tfl.nu/2yit
  Replies (8) Good night (1907) Bad night (1121)
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  (408): View more from California

  He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.

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  (408): He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend. http://tfl.nu/9uge
  Replies (3) Good night (661) Bad night (1124)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?

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  (402): I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF? http://tfl.nu/wyh2
  Replies (1) Good night (1267) Bad night (517)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.

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  (678): Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me. http://tfl.nu/6dhe
  Replies (9) Good night (1811) Bad night (758)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  it was a sexy soul patch.

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  (336): You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH. (724): it was a sexy soul patch. http://tfl.nu/u7f5
  Replies (2) Good night (518) Bad night (680)
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  (310): View more from California

  Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.

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  (310): Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick. http://tfl.nu/d1a6
  Replies (1) Good night (403) Bad night (599)

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