WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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