I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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