We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
