Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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