I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
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it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
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Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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