eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
