Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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