just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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