I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
