Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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