i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize