All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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