There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
