I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Randomize
