I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
