he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
