It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
