Your tits are I can't wait for
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
