I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
