sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
