the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
