it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
