You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
