You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
