i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
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And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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