Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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