Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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