He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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