Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
